Love: Noun, Verb, or Adjective?

Have you ever felt a deep love for someone—your partner, your child, a friend—but still wondered if it’s truly seen or felt? Or maybe you feel unseen, unloved, or unappreciated, despite all the care and effort you give. You are not alone.

As an Emotions and Mindset Coach, I work with adults who live with this tension: the gap between the love they carry inside and the love they experience in return. Understanding this gap is vital—not just for healthier relationships, but for reclaiming self-worth and emotional balance.

Love as a Noun: The Feeling Inside You

When we talk about love as a noun, we mean the feeling that lives in your chest—warmth, belonging, and affection.

Science shows this feeling is tangible:

• Dopamine sparks joy and desire.

• Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, fosters trust and closeness.

• Serotonin stabilizes mood, grounding us in calm attachment.

This is the quiet “I love them so much” that exists even when you’re apart. But noun love stays inside—it is invisible until expressed.

Love as a Verb: The Practice Between Us

Love as a verb is where relationships bloom—or falter. It’s love in action:

• Checking in on a friend who’s struggling.

• Showing up at your child’s recital after a long day.

• Doing the dishes because your partner had a rough morning.

Research shows secure bonds are built not just on feeling love, but on consistent, nurturing actions.

This is where confusion arises:

• One person says, “I love you so much” (noun, internal feeling).

• The other replies, “Then why don’t I feel loved?” (verb, external action).

Both are telling the truth. The disconnect happens when we assume feeling love internally is enough.

👉 Noun love grounds us, but verb love lets someone else feel it.

Love as an Adjective: The Quality That Colors Life

Love can also function as an adjective—it’s the quality layered onto life:

• A love letter tucked into a lunchbox.

• A love-filled home where laughter lingers.

• A love story woven from everyday moments.

This adds meaning, transforming ordinary life into something memorable and sacred.

Where the Confusion Lies

Clients often say, “I don’t think they love me anymore.”

Digging deeper, something surprising emerges: the love itself (noun) hasn’t disappeared. What’s missing—or inconsistent—is love in action (verb).

Consider this:

• A partner’s heart may overflow with affection, but if it isn’t expressed in ways you can recognize, it goes unseen.

• A parent may feel profound, protective love, yet the child experiences only criticism or silence.

Here lies the disconnect: one person is full of noun love, the other is starving for verb love.

Why This Happens

• Different love languages: You may feel love through shared time; your partner may express it through provision. Both are valid, but if unspoken, they miss each other.

• Assumption trap: We think our internal love is obvious and stop translating it into action.

• Life’s distractions: Work, parenting, or health pressures redirect energy away from showing love.

• Unhealed patterns: Some people were never taught how to demonstrate love.

Many of us also learn to experience love through fear, anxiety, or control:

• “I criticize because I love you.”

• “I control because I care.”

• “I push or overreact because I’m afraid of losing you.”

These behaviors mix internal love with controlling or anxious actions. The effect? Recipients may learn:

• Love is conditional.

• Love feels stressful.

• Emotional needs are confusing.

Because this pattern is familiar, we may unconsciously recreate it as adults, craving and fearing love at the same time. Breaking this cycle starts with seeing love clearly and expressing it safely, for ourselves and others.

The Deeper Wound: Self-Worth

When the love you feel inside (noun) overlooks the love you don’t receive (verb), it creates a quiet wound—one that whispers, Am I not lovable? Why do I give so much but never feel it in return?

Neuroscience shows that repeated unmet emotional needs activate the brain’s threat system, reinforcing insecurity and self-doubt. Over time, your body anticipates scarcity, leaving you anxious, hyper-vigilant, or withdrawn.

From an NLP perspective, when your internal map (noun love) doesn’t match external feedback (verb love received), limiting beliefs form: “I am not worthy,” “I am invisible,” “Love is conditional.” These beliefs quietly shape choices, relationships, and how you love yourself.

This plays out across life:

• Childhood: A lack of consistent affection can grow into a lifelong need for validation.

• Romantic relationships: A partner full of noun love but withholding verb love leaves the other feeling unseen.

• Friendships: Unreciprocated attention erodes trust and self-confidence.

The paradox is painful: absent verb love often echoes louder than present noun love. You may know someone loves you internally, but if it isn’t expressed in ways your heart registers, doubt and anxiety thrive.

Why This Matters

Understanding this is crucial to reclaiming self-worth:

• See the difference between love you feel and love you receive.

• Needing verb love is human, not needy.

• Identify and Communicate what makes you feel valued.

• Build a mutual, tangible feedback loop of love.

When you see the gap clearly, you stop blaming yourself and start asking: “How can I give and receive love in ways that truly sustain me?”

What To Do (and Not Do)

Do:

• Translate feelings into actions.

• Ask, “What makes you feel loved?”

• Notice small gestures.

• Allow yourself to receive love without minimizing it.

Don’t:

• Assume internal love is enough.

• Give love conditionally.

• Ignore requests for affection or attention.

• Confuse criticism, control, or neglect with love.

👉 Takeaway: Noun love is the reservoir you carry. Verb love is the bridge that lets someone drink from it. Without the bridge, even abundance feels distant.

My Take as a Coach

Love is not one thing:

• Noun: Your inner reservoir.

• Verb: The action that shapes relationships.

• Adjective: The quality that turns life into story.

The healthiest relationships weave all three: feel it, act it, infuse it into your shared life. Love is both feeling and practice—it’s biology, action, and meaning.

Understanding how fear, control, or anxiety can masquerade as love allows us to:

• Stop confusing care with control.

• Express love safely, nurturing, and empowering.

• Heal self-worth by valuing what we give and sustain, not what we receive.

Love is layered, complex, and transformative—but when understood scientifically, emotionally, and relationally, it can be seen, felt, practiced, and shared intentionally.

If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your perspective, an insight that clicked, or something you feel I may have missed—drop me a message via email or Insta DM. Your comments aren’t just feedback—they fuel my work, inspiring me to keep writing, coaching, and serving. I can’t wait to hear from you.

If this speaks to you, follow along or explore how we can work together. Because emotional mastery isn’t just a theory—it’s a practice.

And it starts here.

Thank you

Swetha D

The Conversation Nook